The Agony of Pain

A bit ago I just finished reading an article on pain. It basically tried to encourage the reader to have patience through the pain and be positive because "...this was just a testing for the next level or promotion of God." I remember when I, was in terrible emotional pain. I didn't care about being positive or getting a promotion in God's kingdom. All I cared about was to get out of pain and be happy. That's all I wanted. But since I had never really been happy my entire life I didn't know if it was possible for me to ever be happy.

During the time when I was in the worst pain God began to teach me some things and I pass them on to you. It is important to note that before I came to this point in my life I had studied the Bible to some degree and had a fairly solid foundation as far as what the Bible taught in different areas. This foundation was crucial in helping to carry me through the hard times I was about to face.

One of the first things God taught me was to stop looking at others and start looking at myself. I would typically do either one of two things. I would either look at others and see their faults or I would look at others and see how much better they appeared than I. God began to show me who I was and what He had made me be. I was not the same as others but I was good enough based on what God said, not what I thought about myself. This was very important as I began to see myself the way God saw me and not the way I felt about me. I no longer had to compete with someone else or try to be like someone else. I didn't have to try so hard to get others to accept me. Instead, I began to accept myself just the way I was. I figured if God accepted me just as I am then I might as well do the same.

God also began to teach me to praise Him in ALL circumstances. When I was miserable and didn't feel like it. When I was lying on the floor crying. I forced words of praise out of my mouth. It was hard. I couldn't see any hope or light at the end of the tunnel. But I did it because God, in His word, told me to do it. Those words and songs of praise beat down the enemy of depression and pain in my life and helped me to live and make it through.

God taught me to be honest with Him. I may have been fooling others when I pasted a smile on my face and went to church but I wasn't fooling God. He knew my pain and my hopelessness. He knew I was very angry and that I blamed Him to some degree for my circumstances.

1987


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