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or how to maintain a martyr status

When I am angry I do not care about anyone else except myself! Well, not quite true. Actually, I care very much about getting that person back. You know... the one who made me angry. In my mind, I can devise ghastly tortures. Mean words and cutting phrases hurl themselves against my vocal cords just wanting to escape like racehorses at the gate. It seems there is nothing I want more than the sweet dessert of revenge. It would be so sweet like pure whipped cream. But the funny thing about the cream is when it hits the stomach, it curdles if not downright sours.

Revenge can be like that. It seems so satisfying and right at the time. Yet later it can be so sour. I remember so many times I spoke harsh, cutting, hurting words. More than often they just spilled out in response to someone who hurt or offended me. Usually, at those I love the most. Sometimes at a person I have never met. Many times that person deserved it. Usually, the good taste of revenge was short-lived.

What do I accomplish by it? My own satisfaction for a moment? I can make an enemy of a friend. I need friends, not enemies. When I attack someone or attempt to point out their flaws they become defensive and self-righteous. They do not listen to me nor do they take my sage advice. They usually look at me like I'm the one who is crazy and give a smart c